The Many Doors of Worship Open to Women in Ramadan

Question: 

I feel frustrated that women cannot do the same amount of worship as men in Ramadan. Many of us have to miss fasts due to menstruation, or miss tarawih in the masjid due to having small kids, plus we have to spend so much time cooking. How can we catch up?

Answer:

Dear Sister,

May Allah ﷻ reward you for your sincerity and concern.

A helpful starting point is to broaden what we mean by “worship.” Worship is not restricted to offering prayers and fasting. True slavehood (‘ubudiyya) entails fulfilling the duties Allah ﷻ has made obligatory at that particular moment. By seeing the responsibilities we have been given as acts of worship and fulfilling them with the intention of pleasing our Creator, we will find contentment and serenity in the actions we perform for others. 

Within supererogatory actions, i.e. deeds that are praiseworthy but not obligatory in Islam, those that benefit others take precedence over actions that are restricted to ourselves. We know this to be true because of the hadiths of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ encouraging us to benefit others, and because Allah Most High will continue to help us in our difficulties (both in this world and the next) as long as we are helping others.

“Allah is helping His slave, as long as the slave is helping his fellow brother.”¹

“Whoever is able to benefit his brother, then let him do so.”²

Helping others particularly in the month of Ramadan can take many different forms, some of which include providing food, monetary support or even general service (khidma).

Responsibility and Service (Khidma)

“Whoever does not serve, regrets” is an Arabic proverb that underscores the importance of taking on the responsibility of serving others for the sake of Allah ﷻ. There are numerous hadiths that emphasize the merit of feeding others. It was the practice of our blessed Prophet ﷺ to increase in generosity during the month of Ramadan like a “fast blowing wind,”³ by benefiting others with his wealth, person, knowledge and assistance. We, too, can intend feeding more people than we normally do in these blessed days and nights.

Sayyiduna Zayd ibn Khalid al Juhani (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates from the Prophet ﷺ who said: “Whoever helps a fasting person break his fast [by feeding him at the end of the fast] will have the same reward as him without diminishing the reward of the fasting person in the slightest.”⁴ This hadith attests to how immense an act it is to feed a fasting person. 

In order to truly appreciate the immensity of feeding a fasting person, we must first look to the value of fasting itself. In a hadith qudsi⁵ Allah ﷻ tells us about the act of fasting: “It is for Me, and it is I who will reward it.” The same hadith also mentions that a fasting person will experience two joys, the first when he breaks his fast, and the second supreme joy when meeting his Lord.⁶ Consider now the immense reward from Allah and His pleasure for a fasting person, which He then generously replicates for the one who is feeding him!

Sayyiduna ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr  (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that a man asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, “What action in Islam is best (khayr)?” He was seeking to understand which good deed is best, and more worthy of merit, after having faith and fulfilling the pillars of Islam. The Prophet ﷺ replied, “To feed food [to others] and to give the greeting of peace [in Islam] to the one you know and the one you do not know.”⁷ The strong recommendation in this hadith to feed people as much as possible includes: feeding the poor for the sake of Allah, giving charity, gifting food and hosting others, especially when there is a need for food.

Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Allah, Mighty and Majestic, will say on the Day of Judgement, “O Son of Adam, I was sick and you didn’t visit me.” [The slave] will say, “My Lord, how can I visit you, You being the Lord of the worlds?” [He ﷻ] will say, “Didn’t you know my servant [i.e., an ill believer] was sick and you didn’t visit him? If you had visited him, you would have found Me with him. O Son of Adam, I asked you for food, but you didn’t feed Me.” [He] will say, “My Lord, how can I feed you, You being the Lord of the worlds?” [He ﷻ] will say, “Didn’t you know my slave asked you for food, but you didn’t feed him? If you had fed him, you would have found that [reward] with Me. O Son of Adam, I asked you to give Me [water] to drink, but you didn’t give me [anything] to drink.” [He] will say, “My Lord, how can I give you [water] to drink, You being the Lord of the worlds?” [He] will say, “My slave asked you to give him [water] to drink, but you didn’t give him [anything] to drink. If you had given him [water] to drink, you would have found that [reward] with Me.”⁸

These hadiths, and so many others, direct us to the fact that Islam is a communal religion in which feeding, greeting and visiting others is an expression of faith. While the counsel of the Prophet ﷺ  to feed others applies to both men and women, women have an advantage of being the ones who are foundational contributors to society through the role they occupy in cooking and serving others food. This khidma allows others to fulfill their own obligations of performing prayers, fasting, and fulfilling the rights of Allah and others. Thus, women have attained the reward of khidma, and the reward of deeds that others could not have performed without this service being offered to them. Perception of our roles in this light will allow us to appreciate our Divine placement in society and to strive our utmost to please Allah Most High within our individual God-given capacity.

Striving in the Way of Allah Most High

One of the Companions of the Prophet ﷺ (may Allah Most High be pleased with them) wondered about the purpose of striving to do good deeds, given that our final ends are already destined for us. He asked, “Should we rely on what has been inscribed for us (i.e., our destiny) and leave performing good deeds?” The Prophet ﷺ responded, “Carry on doing (good) deeds, for everybody will be facilitated [to do such deeds as will lead him to the destined place] for which he has been created. So he who is destined to be among the felicitous (in the Hereafter) will find it easy to do the deeds characteristic of such people, while he who is destined to be among the miserable ones will find it easy to do the deeds characteristic of such people.”⁹

Moreover, we find that good deeds become even easier to perform in Ramadan, as the Prophet ﷺ told us, “When [the month of] Ramadan enters, the doors of Paradise are opened, the doors of Hell are closed and the devils are shackled.”¹⁰ This Divine favor gives us the opportunity to increase in slavehood (`ubudiyya) to our Creator ﷻ during Ramadan as our exemplary Prophet ﷺ taught us. Every Muslim should strive to take advantage of this special time within his or her ability.

It is Allah Who Determines What Worship Is

The obligation to fast in the month of Ramadan was revealed in the second year after the migration to Madinah. In this same year, Muslims were commanded to prepare for the first battle in Islam. Due to the decree and revealed command of Allah ﷻ, the fight against the polytheists of Makkah took place at Badr on the 17th of Ramadan, and took precedence over fasting. The Prophet ﷺ conveyed this dispensation to the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) as they traveled to Badr, relieving them of the obligation to fast so that they could focus on having strength in combat.¹¹

This historical event teaches us that we need to have complete trust in the way Allah chooses for us to worship Him. The battle of Badr was a momentous event, the first battle between truth and falsehood, which ended in a clear, decisive, supreme victory, since Allah ﷻ mentions “…on that day believers shall exalt. In the victory given by Allah…”¹²  It is He who obligated fasting, and it is He who obligated the battle. The Prophet ﷺ and his Companions were always ready to worship Allah according to what it is that He wanted for them at any particular time, because victory and true success lie in submitting to what He wants us to do.

Worship May Differ According to Social Roles

Even though He ﷻ chooses how He wants us to worship Him, all of mankind, as slaves of Allah ﷻ, are essentially the same to our Creator. He Himself informs us that outward forms are of no consequence. 

Allah ﷻ teaches us that when we sacrifice an animal: “Their flesh and blood shall never reach Allah, but godfearingness from you reaches Him…”¹³ This emphasizes the importance of doing actions for His sake out of godfearingness.

Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Verily Allah does not look at your forms nor your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.”¹⁴

Thus, the only differentiating factor that makes one person better than the other is godfearingness (taqwa), not gender, ethnicity or wealth.

Still, although there is no differentiation between men and women in their rank as slaves of Allah ﷻ, both have particular duties and responsibilities given by the Sacred Law (shari`ah) depending on their role. For example, a man has the ability to fight in the way of Allah, expend his wealth and energy in providing physical help to organizations facilitating delivery of food and necessities during Ramadan. Women can also expend their wealth, offer help taking care of children (to allow others to pray tarawih), cook food for those who are fasting, and act as nurses who heal the injuries of those fighting in the way of Allah Most High.

Similarly, men are the primary breadwinners and are also responsible for educating the male children outside of the home. Women are mothers, caretakers, and educators of their children and household. In order to have harmony within a household, responsibilities must be divided according to the strengths and abilities of the individuals.

The Prophet ﷺ told us that “Allah loves us infinitely more than a mother’s love for her child,” indicating that a mother’s love for her children marks the pinnacle of human compassion. Thus, they have been given the role of the primary caretakers of young children and, in some cases, elderly family members.¹⁵

Moreover, he ﷺ emphasized the importance of mothers due to their pivotal role in the upbringing (tarbiya) of children. A mother sacrifices her days and nights for her young (and older) children to raise them into lovers of Allah ﷻ and His Messenger ﷺ. Allah rewards her for all her efforts in teaching them through her words, actions and intentions. Continuing to strive in taking care of these duties, while also fulfilling the sacred acts of worship particular to Ramadan, only enhances the reward that a woman can reap during the blessed month.

Expecting Reward from Allah Most High (ihtisab)

One way to help the heart turn in favor toward Allah while taking care of mundane tasks during Ramadan is to do these actions with hopeful expectation of His reward. 

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Whoever fasts Ramadan, out of faith (iman) and expecting reward (ihtisab), will have his previous sins forgiven.”¹⁶

What is being emphasized in this hadith is a particular mindset: if one does an action with the intention of pleasing Allah ﷻ (which is the highest form of sincerity) and gaining His reward, he will have his sins forgiven and overlooked by Allah ﷻ. Moreover, Allah ﷻ tells us in a hadith qudsi “I am as my servant thinks of Me.”¹⁷ This means that if we are patiently steadfast in our trials and difficulties while expressing contentment with His decree and expecting reward, we will find that reward in the hereafter out of His Divine favor and immense generosity.

Although the tarbiya of children is a demanding responsibility, we can remind ourselves that we are fulfilling all of our duties for the sake of Allah ﷻ and that He promises to reward us immensely for doing so. With such a mindset, we can fulfill our womanly duties in Ramadan with happiness within our heart. Having ihtisab, i.e., the understanding that Allah Most High will reward us for all of our sacrifices, makes all the difference in making our various duties in Ramadan feel worthwhile.

Acts of Worship During Menstruation

We, as servants of Allah ﷻ, accept everything He has destined for us because He is the all-wise and all-knowing, absolutely complete in His all-encompassing, infinite knowledge. Moreover, He created one hundred parts of mercy of which only one part was sent to all of creation.¹⁸ The mercy, compassion and love that we have for one another is from just that one portion of mercy. Imagine how much mercy our Creator ﷻ has for us!

Keeping that in mind, if we turn to the events and trials that occur in our lives and view them through the lens of acceptance of the decree of our magnanimous Lord ﷻ who always chooses best, we find it easier to accept fate because it is the action of al-Rahman (Most Merciful) and al-Rahim (Compassionate). Not only this, but our very acceptance of His decree on the matter of menstruation brings its own peace and sense of closeness to Allah.

Although menstruation may seem like a hindrance for women during the auspicious days of Ramadan, it is the decree of Allah ﷻ. When we refrain from worship during our menstrual days, we are fulfilling the command of our Lord ﷻ. Refraining from prayer and fasting during menstruation requires us to submit our mind, body and heart to the commands of Allah ﷻ. In this way, menstruation itself becomes a form of worship, since one’s heart is accepting of Allah’s decree regarding it. 

We understand menstruation as a biological phenomenon destined for the daughters of Adam (may Allah send peace and blessings upon him) and a sign that our bodies are functioning correctly. Our hearts may ache from not being able to fast certain days in Ramadan, but if we obey the command of our Creator ﷻ, we will be rewarded similar to a traveler or a person with an ailment who is unable to perform his usual worship and is excused from it or given a dispensation.¹⁹ Moreover, the days of menstruation can be a means of rejuvenating one’s aspirations to strive harder in the remaining days of Ramadan, adding greater fervor and devotion to one’s usual Ramadan acts of worship once these acts are resumed after menstruation ends. 

Added to the great spiritual value of accepting the decree of Allah regarding menstruation is the amount of good a woman can still do in Ramadan while menstruating. She can engage in other highly meritorious good deeds such as arranging or preparing meals for relatives, neighbors and friends who are fasting. This practice was encouraged by the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, who mentioned that the like of the reward of the fasting person could be attained by the one who feeds him (or her) with even a date, or sip of water or milk.²⁰ 

Another act of worship a menstruating woman can perform (both in and out of Ramadan) is for her to sit in her usual place of prayer (musalla) and make remembrance of Allah (dhikr).²¹ She should sit in her musalla within her home, and glorify and praise Allah ﷻ for the duration it normally takes her to pray. If she does this, it will help her keep her habit of performing the prayers, and she will have the reward for the best prayer inscribed for her in sha Allah.²² And nothing is difficult for Allah ﷻ.

Tarawih 

Praying twenty rakahs is an emphasized sunnah for both men and women. However, performing this prayer in congregation while completing the entire recitation of the Quran is recommended for men and those who are able. If we are not among those who are able to pray in congregation or complete the entire Quran, we can still follow the sunna of increasing worship during the month of Ramadan by striving to improve its quality and quantity.²³

The primary responsibility of mothers with young children is to fulfill the needs of her dependents while performing the obligations of her religion. This stage of a woman’s life, when she is occupied with the needs of small children, is normally limited to only a portion of her life. Her worship in this period involves the care of little ones. Later in life, responsibilities change, and in sha Allah the mode of worship transforms to one where she may be able to recite more Qur’an or offer longer rakahs of tarawih.  The lessons she gained from her years of raising young children leave her with a heartfelt gratitude to Allah Most High for allowing her to worship Him in a myriad of ways, all of which contribute to her spiritual growth. 

Although a woman with young children is not required to attend tarawih prayers at the masjid, she may find it spiritually uplifting to listen to the Quranic recitation during tarawih while standing with other worshipers. If a group of menstruating women organize babysitting and other activities for children during the prayer, this will allow women who are praying to perform tarawih in congregation and ensure the children are not disturbing others. This can be organized at the masjid or with family members whom you trust to look after the kids during this time. Otherwise, if this is not possible, she can put her children to bed earlier, and then perform the 20 rakah tarawih at home in about 30 minutes, out of love of emulating the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and following his sunna.

Spiritual Retreat (i‘tikaf)

It was the inveterate practice of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ to perform spiritual retreat in the masjid in the last ten days of Ramadan. Although this may not be possible for most women or mothers, we can still have the intention to perform i‘tikaf when we find the opportunity. Although i‘tikaf is normally associated with the masjid, women are also permitted to perform  i‘tikaf every time they enter their place of prayer at home–an allowance only given to women–whether to pray or to recite Quran, litanies, supplications and any form of remembrance.²⁴²⁵

Likewise, if a woman intends to help her family members (such as her father, brother, husband or other mahram relative) perform spiritual retreat, she will have the same reward as them. We know this because the Prophet ﷺ informed us, “Whoever directs to good has the same reward as the doer.”²⁶ This hadith includes the one who directs to the good, and more so, the one who becomes a means for another in the performance of that deed.

Intention and Sincerity

The main thing to keep in mind when doing all what we have covered above is to try and make everything as purely for Allah as possible. One way to help oneself have sincerity is to work on consciously intending one’s actions for His sake. The famous axial hadith that shows the close relationship between intention and reward was narrated by Sayyiduna Umar (may Allah be pleased with him), who heard the Prophet of Allah ﷺ say, “Verily actions are according to intentions. A man will have what he intended, so whoever’s emigration is for Allah and His Messenger, then his emigration is for Allah and His Messenger. And whoever’s emigration is for a worldly attainment or a woman to marry, then his emigration is for what he emigrated.”²⁷

It is the practice of the pious and knowledgeable people of this ummah to make a global intention at the start of Ramadan, intending all of one’s fasts, prayers, and other worship for the sake of Allah and Allah alone. Along with this, we can make godly intentions for our everyday tasks as well, in order to make the most of the blessings that pour down upon us in Ramadan. Have you considered all the intentions you can make while cooking, taking care of children, and keeping family ties during this blessed month? Even for such seemingly mundane actions we can intend  to strengthen our body for worship or to serve others for the sake of Allah, which will make every moment of these actions a means of eternal reward and nearness to Him.

Along with consciously setting one’s intention, another practical tip to help with sincerity in actions is to make a dua (or at least to say the basmala) before one starts an action, asking for Allah’s help and intending it for His pleasure while following the sunna of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. This practice can eventually become second nature. It was the way of the Companions of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ to ask Allah Most High for everything, even for the replacement of a broken shoe strap.²⁸ In this way, we can hope to increase our sincerity during the blessed month. The level of our sincerity dictates the reward being multiplied 10 times or 700 times or more.^{29, 30} Although the true worth of actions and their reward is the prerogative of our Lord ﷻ, it is our duty to intend and strive. 

Ramadan Prep

When a person prepares for an important exam, he plans his days and nights in order to maximize his time. Since Allah Most High has told us that the Hereafter is better than this paltry life,³¹ it makes even more sense to prepare for the auspicious occasions in our religion to reap the greatest benefits. 

One way to prepare is to make ready one’s home by doing a thorough cleaning before Ramadan, since Allah loves cleanliness and the angels are more present in places that are pure.³² 

Another way to prepare is to draw up a basic Ramadan meal schedule, and prep what one can beforehand of food items (e.g. making and freezing samosas or other savories, if that is what one’s family normally has during Ramadan). 

Taking care of any necessary tasks or chores that are possible to square away before Ramadan enters helps one make the most of one’s time when the blessed month is here.

Sample Ramadan Schedule

Below is a sample daily schedule a lady may follow during the month of Ramadan through which she can make the most of the blessed month and also prepare her heart for the Night of Tremendous Power (laylat al-qadr), in which one’s reward is multiplied immensely.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said when the month of Ramadan began, “Verily, this month has presented itself to you. There is a night within it that is better than a thousand months. Whoever is deprived of it has been deprived of all good, and none is deprived of its good but that he is truly deprived.”³³ 

[Please note that worship should be increased gradually. If a person is not in the habit of performing the night prayer (tahajjud), she should perform two supererogatory (nafl) rakahs for a period (such as 40 days), working first to improve its quality followed by quantity.]

Before Fajr: Make dua on awakening, perform wudu and tahajjud prayer, make dua for one’s needs and the entire Ummah, have the sunna pre-dawn meal (suhur), even if only a sip of water.³⁴

At Fajr and After: Perform the sunna and obligatory rakahs of Fajr followed by supplications and dhikr after the prayer, recite Quran and any specific litanies (awrad). The reward for someone who remains busy remembering Allah Most High after praying Fajr until sunrise and then performs the Midmorning prayer (also known as duha, ishraq or chaasht) after the sun has completely risen (approx. 15-20 minutes after sunrise), is that of a hajj and umrah.³⁵ However, this does not lift the obligation of actually performing hajj, if one is able to.

If unable to stay up until that time, one may pray the Midmorning prayer later on in the morning, as long as it remains well before the offensive time (10 minutes before Zuhr time enters). Performing the Midmorning prayer was the inveterate practice of the early, righteous Muslims, so it is something we should really strive to adopt, particularly in Ramadan.

Afternoon: Pray the other prayers on time with the pre- or post-sunnas and sunna dhikr that follow after each prayer. The reward of non-obligatory acts in this month is equivalent to the obligatory. Obligatory actions are rewarded 70 times more than the obligatory actions performed outside of the month of Ramadan.³⁶

Before Maghrib: Prepare iftar for oneself, one’s family, loved ones, neighbors or friends with the intention of helping them fast, perform worship and fulfill all their responsibilities. Leave enough time before maghrib enters to supplicate for oneself, one’s family, loved ones and the entire Ummah, since this is a time when supplications are accepted.^{37, 38}

At Isha: Pray Isha and tarawih, which is an emphasized sunnah for both men and women, followed by Witr prayer.

May Allah ﷻ allow us all to prepare our hearts in the blessed months of Rajab and Sha‘ban, so we can reap the greatest benefits in Ramadan.

May Allah ﷻ accept your fasting and allow it to be a means of immense increase and closeness to Him. And all praise belongs to the Lord of the Universe.

Please keep the entire Ummah of the Prophet ﷺ in your blessed supplications.